A Great Tribe to Be In

In this podcast, Ric Shields interviews his nephew, Caleb Brager, about his experience as an adopted child. Caleb shares that he was told about his adoption at a young age and has always been comfortable with it. He appreciates his adoptive family and feels blessed to have had a smooth adoption process.

Caleb also expresses interest in meeting his birth parents one day, not to question their decision, but to understand more about his origins. He is open to the idea of adopting a child in the future and encourages others to consider it as a way to change a child's life.

Caleb advises adopted children who may be struggling with their identity to not take their situation for granted and to appreciate the love and care they receive from their adoptive families.

Transcript

Ric Shields (00:00):

I'm so glad you've joined us on this podcast. I'm Ric Shields, your host and the director of the DoorWays Ministry Network.

(00:05):

For the past few weeks our podcast has focused on the topic of adoption. We heard from Cheryl Bauman, a woman who founded Crisis Pregnancy Outreach in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She was one of the early proponents of what is known as open adoption. The agency she founded has helped to place over 500 children with adoptive parents. I next interviewed Terry Brown, who as a courageous 19-year-old went against the advice of family and friends and carried her unplanned pregnancy to term giving birth to a healthy baby boy. Off script she told me how it touched her heart when he thanked her for giving him the opportunity to have a wonderful life. And last week, Matt and Michelle Makela spoke about some of their adoption experiences. We learned it isn't all sunshine and roses, but that's the same for families with naturally born children. Knowing all that they know now, they would do it all over again and encouraged others to consider the opportunity that adoption provides for both children and families.

(01:04):

Today I'm talking with my nephew Caleb Brager. He's a 20-year-old student at Grand Canyon University. He's a member of the lacrosse team and is majoring in finance with plans to work in sports management. And I'm really glad that it worked out for us to chat today, Caleb. So, thank you for your willingness to look at this topic with me.

Caleb Brager (01:22):

No problem. Thanks for having me, Uncle Ric. This is great. This is fun.

Ric Shields (01:25):

You bet. Hey, Caleb, you're adopted by my wife, Sheila's sister and her husband Tim and Shannon Brager. How old were you when you first came to understand that you were adopted?

Caleb Brager (01:36):

Right, so I was around four years old. I was pretty young.

Ric Shields (01:42):

Do you recall what your, your parents told you to help you understand what it meant to be adopted?

Caleb Brager (01:48):

I asked my mom actually yesterday about it. She said that they would introduce the word adopted to me at a young age and kind of get me familiar with it. And eventually, you know, as I got older, I would understand what that meant.

(02:03):

I actually, my brother, when he was little, they explained to him what adoption was and he was, he, he said, "Wow, being adopted is fun." You know, just some, just something, something cute like that.

Ric Shields (02:19):

They explained this to you. Did it matter at the time?

Caleb Brager (02:23):

I would say at the time, it may not have mattered, but just knowing how I was different than other kids, it eventually started to matter. You know, the older I got.

Ric Shields (02:36):

When, when you say that, what do you mean? It eventually came to make a difference or came to matter when

Caleb Brager (02:41):

You're four, you know, understanding that you're adopted doesn't really mean too much as you know, compared to maybe when you're 10 or something, just because you understand it more.

Ric Shields (02:54):

And when you started to understand it, what did that feel like?

Caleb Brager (02:57):

I've never had a problem with it. I've been blessed to really have a smooth adoption process and,

Ric Shields (03:07):

And have a great uncle.

Caleb Brager (03:08):

Of course, that too.

Ric Shields (03:10):

You know, that's, and other uncles and aunts too, and grandmas and grandpas and yeah,

Caleb Brager (03:14):

That's, that's a big part. You know, I've been really blessed to just be in a good family and, you know, it's all God's doing.

Ric Shields (03:22):

Is there ever an occasion when you need, or you want to tell someone that you were adopted and if so, what do they, what do they typically say?

Caleb Brager (03:29):

Yeah, so the occasions that come into my head usually what have to deal with, deal with. So, growing up my, like, compared to my friend's parents, my parents were always a little bit older. Not saying that they're, you know,

Ric Shields (03:46):

No, we're not saying that.

Caleb Brager (03:47):

Not at all. You know, I don't want to do all that on this, but, so they've always been a little, little older. So the reason I would tell my friends that the reason why is I'd be like, oh, because I'm adopted, and then they would be like, no, no, you're not. And then I've, I've always thought it's interesting that people have always, their first instinct is like, in denial that I'm adopted. Like, and then I'd be like, well, why would I lie about that? You know? And so, I guess the initial reaction is that people don't believe me, but it's true. It's true.

Ric Shields (04:21):

Yeah. Well, I know your parents wanted to have kids naturally and uh, just it didn't work, and fertility just was, was the thing that was in their life. Yeah. And adopting, when that finally came to the point where they said, let's do this, it was just such a blessing to them.

(04:40):

Let me take a moment, Caleb, to remind our listeners that we appreciate your feedback. Let us know if we're providing the kind of content itself to you by dropping me an email at info@DoorWays.cc. And if you have an idea for a guest or a topic, let me know and we'll work in incorporating that topic or, or that guest into our podcast schedule.

(04:59):

You're listening to the DoorWays Ministry Network podcast. My name is Ric Shields. I'm joined on this episode with Caleb Brager, my 20-year-old nephew who's a sophomore at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, Arizona. Caleb and his brother Cameron were both adopted about six and a half years apart from each other. Caleb is the younger brother. But your brother Cameron was adopted through what is referred to as an open adoption while yours, Caleb, is what's referred to as a closed adoption. Now the two of you grew up together in the same home. Did you notice a difference in the two adoptions?

Caleb Brager (05:34):

No, I wouldn't say so. With my adoption, my adopted mother was literally in the, the room where I was birthed at, so she's literally been there since day one. And the process with my older brother was also very similar. The big difference I would say was as we were growing up, his birth family would actually, so he was in contact with his birth family just because he had an open adoption, he was able to do that. So, there would be times when we were growing up that his birth grandpa would come visit and he had a younger sister who was also in the picture. And he also had an older brother that was in the picture until he unfortunately passed away a couple years ago. Um, so I would say in the early years he, having that type of connection with his, his birth family was probably the big difference compared to me.

Ric Shields (06:43):

Did you think, “well, I wish I had that?”

Caleb Brager (06:45):

Not really. I don't think so. Obviously, you know, it would be, it would be cool to have a relationship, but I was, I was so happy as a kid, you know, I had a great childhood. It was never anything like jealous. Like I was never jealous of my brother. Um, I just figured that, you know, that's just, that's how the way life went.

Ric Shields (07:06):

How do you think adoption has shaped your life?

Caleb Brager (07:08):

Oh man, I'm so, I'm such a thankful person. Um, I really do appreciate the little things in life. I really, my life could be completely different. You know, this, this podcast we're doing could have been so easily not possible, if that's right. Another family, you know, picked me up. So, it shaped my life to really appreciate.

(07:33):

I love my family. I'm so blessed to have a great family. My parents are the two of the most influential people a part of my life. My mom has so much wisdom in my, my dad helps me structure my life and make the right steps in the being a successful man. And even, you know, my brother, my brother and I are, we've always been very opposite with what we like what we do. But we've actually recently we've, we've found, um, some common similarities and hobbies that we both enjoy doing.

(08:15):

So, you know, my, my family is the biggest thing that I've been blessed with and just the thankful, the thankfulness that it gives you. How has adoption shaped my life? It's a great question. It's deep.

Ric Shields (08:30):

You told me to ask the question.

Caleb Brager (08:32):

That I, no. Yeah, <laugh>.

Ric Shields (08:34):

That's crazy, man. That is a deep, where'd you come up with something like that? I'll go Ric <laugh>.

Caleb Brager (08:38):

Yeah, great question.

Ric Shields (08:41):

So, you say you and your brother have found some commonalities in recent years. What are those, what are some of those?

Caleb Brager (08:47):

Funny you say that. So, Cameron just recently, over the past, like year, has started to invest in firearms. So, we actually, the first thing that we did when I flew back for Thanksgiving is we went to the gun range and we just had, we had a blast. Literally. We had a blast.

Ric Shields (09:10):

You did Indeed. <laugh> <laugh>. That's pretty cool. Anything else? Any other things that you have seen? Because you guys have always been close.

Caleb Brager (09:18):

Of course.

Ric Shields (09:19):

You really have. You've looked out for each other. And I, and I've always appreciated that. I thought that was pretty cool.

Caleb Brager (09:25):

Yeah. Um, we, uh, I, we, we play video games together. That's pretty much it. Um, we don't really do sports. Cameron's not a big sports guy. Wish he was, but you know, there's nothing I can do about it.

Ric Shields (09:36):

Yeah. I you're more naturally athletic than he is. He just, just naturally it just didn't work for him. I'm not an athlete. I'm naturally not an athlete. I didn't have any family members that were either <laugh>, so I didn't, I didn't feel too bad about not being an athlete. Yeah.

(09:52):

Well, let me ask you this question, Caleb. Would you have interest in meeting either your birth mother or your birth father?

Caleb Brager (09:59):

I would, I've always wanted to do it. I think, um, one of the, just thinking about it, the coolest thing I could, one of the coolest things I could ever do is have a picture with me in the middle of my birth mom and my adopted mom. That would be so cool.

Ric Shields (10:18):

That would be neat.

Caleb Brager (10:19):

You know, it's just hard because it, I feel like the distance and the time that's passed, who knows where they are right now, who really does. And if they, you know, are married, have

Ric Shields (10:31):

Other kids. Yeah,

Caleb Brager (10:32):

I might, I might have half-brothers.

Ric Shields (10:34):

Half-brothers. You may have sisters. So, what questions would you have for them if you had a chance to meet them? Would you have questions for them?

Caleb Brager (10:43):

My questions would be, well just, just catch up questions. You know, like, how's life going? I wouldn't have any questions like, regarding like your decision that you made. I wouldn't bring the past up, you know, it would

Ric Shields (10:59):

Really, it wouldn’t make any difference. Would it?

Caleb Brager (11:01):

No, it would, it would just be more of just catching up, understanding who I am to them and who they are to me. Just ha just, you know, just having a good time more than anything.

Ric Shields (11:14):

Yeah. Just I think just finding out a little bit about who you are, where you come from.

Caleb Brager (11:18):

Right.

Ric Shields (11:18):

You know, what kind of things did my grandfather on either side, what did they do? Or grandma? Are there any athletes in the family? Where did I get my athletic ability from? Right. And again, I think you have very natural athletic ability and so where did that come from? Yeah. And is, was anybody really, really rich and am I related to them? I'd, I'd like to really get to know them better.

Caleb Brager (11:42):

Some contact information,

Ric Shields (11:43):

Those kind of things. Yeah. Can I have their cell number please? And an address would be really great. Wouldn't that be something?

Caleb Brager (11:49):

Yeah.

Ric Shields (11:50):

So, this is, uh, maybe too early for you to really consider, but just let me know. You think about this, given the opportunity, would you ever adopt a child?

Caleb Brager (12:00):

Right now, in my life, I would keep that door open. I'm not opposed to it. I think it's a great way to change a child's life and ultimately, you know, change your life as well. It's something, yeah, it's something that I wouldn't be, I don't want to say opposed, it's, it's something that I wouldn't rule out.

Ric Shields (12:24):

I recently spoke with a, a friend who told me, I don't know of anyone who was adopted. Adopted that has adopted a child of their own.

Caleb Brager (12:33):

Yeah. I think that's interesting.

Ric Shields (12:35):

That is an interesting thing, isn't it? And I'm not quite certain what there is about that. And so that's why I ask you, because it seems to me that a person who has been adopted would have a great understanding of the value of it.

Caleb Brager (12:47):

Yeah.

Ric Shields (12:48):

And yet on the other hand, you know, you find a wonderful gal, you marry, and you find you're naturally having children. It may be one of those things that, you know, God's blessed you with this and so then that's enough for us to, to consider that.

Caleb Brager (13:03):

Yeah. I, it, I think it obviously depends on the family and it might even depend on, you know, the, if that ado if someone in that family, one of the parents was adopted, maybe that it depends on how they were adopted, their adoption process. Sure. because I don't feel like adoption processes are always as smooth and easy and happy as mine was. You

Ric Shields (13:30):

Know? That's apparently true. I've, I've heard a lot of these stories now. I agree. And, and that's apparently true. And I'm so thankful that yours has been Yeah. Such a, such an easy and, really a blessed, a blessed adoption. So even if you're not certain about yourself, would you encourage others to consider adoption?

Caleb Brager (13:51):

I would. Yeah. There's, um, like I said earlier, it's a, you know, a great way. You're changing somebody's life. You're changing a child's life and you’ve got to be 110 all in with it though. You can't just think about adopting. You’ve got to, you’ve got to live, you’ve got to want to do it. You want you, you’ve got to want to change a, a child's life, which is going to change yours for the rest of your life.

Ric Shields (14:19):

So, as you draw our time to a close, I wonder if you have any special words of encouragement that you'd like to share with our listeners, maybe as it relates to being an adopted child? Any words or encouragement you'd like to add there?

Caleb Brager (14:30):

I am such a blessed human being. Adoption really does, it's changed my life. It's such a, in the end, a joyous process to bring new, new life into a family. So, I would say if, if you are interested in it or you've been thinking about it, talk to the man above about it. He's going to know the ultimate decision. But it is, it is a great way to help the world, honestly.

Ric Shields (15:00):

What about for any kids that have been adopted that maybe are struggling with that whole, with the whole concept of, “Mom, I'm adopted, I don't know, where do I fit?” What would you say to them?

Caleb Brager (15:11):

Yeah, I like that. I, for me, I've thought about that. Like, what, what could my life be? But when you think about that, you know, what really could your life be? because at least you're asking that question and to, to your adopted mom in a, a nice warm house. because with being adopted, it's, it's really, you can't take things for granted just because you don't know the position you could be in if you never were adopted. So, I would -- don't, don't get discouraged. It's okay to, it's okay to be different. It really is.

Ric Shields (15:50):

And it's okay to have questions.

Caleb Brager (15:52):

Yeah, for sure. It, you know, it's okay to ask questions because ultimately you want to understand your, your past so you can grow from it and decide how you want to live your future. Yeah. I it's, it's, it's okay to, it's okay to be confused too for, for younger kids. Just because it, it's, it's such a, for a child it is a strange concept. I feel like. because every, you know, pretty much all the other kids around you might, you know, be,

Ric Shields (16:28):

This is my real brother, this is my real sister, whatever.

Caleb Brager (16:31):

Right? So there, there might be a, a feeling of maybe loneliness. But I think when you take a step back, maybe realize the situation you're in, you got a family that loves you regardless of if they're related, if they share blood with you, they still love you. They care about you. They want to provide for you. They want you to have a successful future. And that's all that, that really matters.

Ric Shields (17:00):

Caleb, I’ve got to tell you this, I have to, I don't know, force myself is the right word. I have to remind myself and I never have to. But when I do, I remind myself that you are adopted. I you're just so much a part of our family. So naturally a part of our family that it doesn't make any difference whatsoever. It's okay. It's all right with me. You were, you were raised in a home of people that we love. You love us, we love you. And we are just thrilled that you're part of the family. Couldn't be happier if you were naturally born. It makes no difference here at all.

Caleb Brager (17:34):

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Ric Shields (17:36):

We are glad you are part of our tribe, buddy. You really are.

Caleb Brager (17:40):

Yeah, me too, me too. Great tribe to be in.