Parenting is Hard with Rebekah Taylor

Rebekah Taylor is a licensed professional counselor with significant experience working with children and adolescents, particularly those navigating challenges such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, and life changes such as divorce or grief.

Rebekah emphasizes the need for parents to listen, validate their children's feelings, and seek professional help when necessary. Parenting is hard, but support and wisdom are available.  She concludes with the reminder, “It is not a parenting fail to ask for help.”

Transcript

TOPIC: Mental Health – Parenting is Hard
GUEST: Rebekah Taylor, LPC
Season 4, Episode 4

Rebekah Taylor (00:00):

The clients that I really enjoy working with is anxiety and depression. Some people...

Ric Shields (00:05):

"Enjoy working with clients with anxiety and depression."

Rebekah Taylor (00:08):

Yes.

Ric Shields (00:08):

Rebekah, you may need to talk to a mental health counselor, I think.

Rebekah Taylor (00:12):

<Laugh>, No, because I can see the change and I see the need for it. So, when kids come in and they're just so wound up and worried about all the things, then I'm like, "Oh, okay. I know what to do. We can help with this and we can get this better."

Ric Shields (00:40):

Thank you for joining us on the DoorWays® Ministry Network podcast. My name is Ric Shields. I'm your host and the director of the DoorWays® Ministry Network. For the next few weeks, we're going to focus on mental health. Now I'm not a mental health professional. I probably need this series as much or more than anyone else. I plan to interview mental health professionals and talk about working with children, adolescents, and adults, and share a variety of issues. If you'd like to recommend a topic, drop me a note at info at doorways.cc and we'll work to develop an episode about your idea.

(01:13):

My guest today is Rebekah Taylor. Rebekah is a licensed professional counselor and a license supervisor. She's worked in community health programs and opened a private practice called Restoration Counseling in Tulsa, Oklahoma, just a few years ago, Rebekah helped me to develop some topics for this series. She suggested topics like trauma, anxiety, neurodivergent disorders like ADHD and autism spectrum, living with mental illness and living with a loved one with mental illness. We'll also speak with a psychiatrist about crisis counseling and do what we can to cover the topic of suicide.

(01:49):

So that being said, Rebekah, I'm really so glad you joined me today. Thanks for agreeing to be on this podcast.

Rebekah Taylor (01:54):

Thanks for asking and for having me here. I'm honored to get to talk about mental health and yeah, to be on the podcast with you.

Ric Shields (02:04):

Take a minute. Rebekah, tell us about your current focus. Do you specialize in a particular area of counseling?

Rebekah Taylor (02:10):

Yeah, I opened restoration counseling and I specialize, I guess you could say, with children and adolescents. So, I say five to 21 is kind of my age range and I, it's not that I advertise that I specialize in areas, it's just that this is what has come to me and what I have found myself enjoying. So, the majority of my caseload is anxiety, depression, ADHD, and then kind of change of life things. So, you know, kids whose parents have gone through a divorce or that they've, you know, recently moved or there's been a death in the family. So doing some grief work, that's kind of the majority of what I address on a daily basis.

Ric Shields (02:55):

So, you didn't particularly go and say, "These are the areas I'm going study and try to practice." This is just kind of what's developed for you.

Rebekah Taylor (03:04):

Yeah, when I started, I had no idea what I was going to be working with and it just kind of evolved from there that these are the clients that I really enjoy working with is anxiety and depression. Some people

Ric Shields (03:18):

"Enjoy working with clients with anxiety and depression."

Rebekah Taylor (03:20):

Yes.

Ric Shields (03:20):

Rebekah, you may need to talk to a mental health counselor, I think.

Rebekah Taylor (03:25):

<Laugh>, No, because I can see the change and I see the need for it. So, when kids come in and they're just so wound up and worried about all the things, then I'm like, "Oh, okay, I know what to do. We can help with this and we can get this better." I enjoy that more than some other things that other people have a passion for. And I'm like, "Great, I will send other diagnoses your way because that's what you're passionate about and send me your nervous, anxious kids because I'm passionate about kids finding freedom from all the "what ifs".

Ric Shields (04:06):

Especially with kids. Now, you know, there's kids and there's, you know, adolescents and there's young adults, there's middle-aged adults, there's old people like me. <Laugh>, How did you really start to focus on this thing of kids though? I mean that's, that's a specialized area.

Rebekah Taylor (04:24):

Totally. And I have had experience working with some adults and I don't know, I like the kids part of it. I think if I can help kids at that age to learn coping skills, to learn how to manage their thoughts, to get through some of life, then I'm setting them up for success. And when you're dealing with 10 years of anxiety instead of 50 years of anxiety, it's easier to work on, in my opinion.

Ric Shields (04:56):

<Laugh>, I'm just thinking about this and I want to ask this, maybe it's a weird question. Do you consider this as a job or a career or do you see this more like a calling or ministry? What do you think?

Rebekah Taylor (05:08):

It's a calling because like, this is not something that you just go in and clock in, clock out. It has to be a passion. You have to believe that what you're doing matters. There are rough days where I'm not seeing progress that, you know, I can't make anybody change. So, I can only like hold the mirror up and show people where they need to change. And it is frustrating sometimes that they're not doing what I think they need to do in order to bring about that change. But it has to be a calling, it has to be a passion, otherwise we're not invested in it and we're not believing that change is still possible.

Ric Shields (05:49):

You said they're rough days and you're talking about rough days for you when you're seeing that people aren't really getting it, change isn't happening. You've heard the old joke perhaps. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But that light bulb has to really want to change.

Rebekah Taylor (06:05):

Exactly.

Ric Shields (06:05):

Yeah, there you go. You told me that a majority of your caseload is dealing with anxiety, depression and ADHD.

Rebekah Taylor (06:14):

Yes.

Ric Shields (06:15):

Is this within a particular age group or is it across a broader spectrum of ages? When you're talking about these three things, particularly.

Rebekah Taylor (06:24):

Anxiety, depression, I'm seeing across the age range. Typically, ADHD I'm seeing below age 10. That is when it is probably most problematic or it is most noticeable in a school setting and teachers and parents are struggling. So, they're bringing the kid in like, "Okay, what do we do? How do we get help?" As someone kind of grows up, they learn how to manage their symptoms and most of the time you are diagnosed in early childhood as opposed to as a late adolescent or adult. And you can be diagnosed then and adults still have ADHD, but they've learned kind of how to manage that.

Ric Shields (07:10):

So, let's take a minute and talk about ADHD. Let's talk about what the initials stand for and what are some of the signs you look for in determining if somebody is dealing with that issue?

Rebekah Taylor (07:21):

Okay, so ADHD has become like a spectrum. So, you used to have ADD and ADHD and they kind of combined it all together. And so, there's this umbrella term of ADHD. And then you have inattentive type or you have hyperactive type or you can be combined. So instead of it being attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactive disorder, they just combined it all into one umbrella and then differentiate those things.

(07:52):

So, with the hyperactivity, impulsiveness, these are the kids that can't sit still. They are blurting out, interrupting, they just never stop. Extremely impulsive. And I kind of define impulsive as do you do things that you might get in trouble or are dangerous to you, but you don't actually know that you're going to get in trouble or it's going to be dangerous for you. So, these are the kids that just went ahead and jumped off the steps and like they didn't think about, "Oh, that's too far and I could fall and break my arm." They're like, "I thought I could jump off the steps." It's just that impulsive decision making. The 

Ric Shields (08:36):

Before you go on.

Rebekah Taylor (08:36):

Go ahead.

Ric Shields (08:36):

Shoot. You just diagnosed me as a kid. <Laugh>. when I look back, <laugh>, Okay, go on. Sorry. <laugh>.

Rebekah Taylor (08:45):

So the attention deficit part are the kids that are daydreaming, are often easily distracted. They're zoned out. You have to like call their name several times to get their attention and they're like, "What? I have no idea what's been happening." Maybe like more careless, forgetful, all of that kind of goes into the attention deficit. And parents will tell me like, "Well, they can pay attention to their video games and sit there for hours." And I'm like, "Yes, because attention deficit isn't that they can't pay attention when it's engaging. When it's something that they're interested in, then they can hyperfocus." So yeah, you could sit there and do that for hours, but when it comes time to doing homework or it's a subject that they don't actually like, then it becomes really difficult.

Ric Shields (09:37):

So, a lot of times I know that kids are given medication for ADD or ADHD, whatever. But you said that it seems as they age that they're able to kind of be able to manage that themselves. Does the medication tend to diminish then as they age? Or is that medication something they're likely to stay on all their life?

Rebekah Taylor (10:00):

That has something that has kind of evolved now. So, it used to be, you know, 20, 30 years ago you were on the medication as a kid and then at 18 it was like, "No, we're not prescribing this anymore." And like it should, "It's a childhood diagnosis, you're an adult now, so it's over." And what we're finding is no, it's not like this is the way that your brain works. It may be that you still need the medication through adulthood in order to help yourself function.

(10:31):

ADHD struggles with executive functioning. That's not going to go away just because you turned 18 or 25. So it may be that you're always going to struggle with remembering where you put your keys or pick up things from the store or you know, all of those kinds of executive functioning organization, time management, all of that may be a struggle. But you find that as adults get older, they put plans into place so that you know, they're using notes or apps on their phone. Those kinds of things that then it looks like they've got it together but they're still struggling internally.

Ric Shields (11:10):

You're listening to the DoorWays® Ministry Network podcast. My name is Ric Shields and I'm joined on this episode with Rebekah Taylor who works with both adults and their children who struggle with mental health issues.

(11:22):

I'd really like, Rebekah, to use the remaining time we have to discuss your work specifically with kids. It seems that there's an increase in issues related to anxiety and depression with kids. Is that correct? And if so, what do you think are the contributing factors for that increase?

Rebekah Taylor (11:38):

Yeah, it seems that anxiety, depression, we are seeing this increase. It is kind of the top diagnosis for children, adolescents are anxiety and depression. For some reason we are seeing increase. It may be that we have gotten better at diagnosing, at recognizing and at talking about these things so that children, adolescents are much more comfortable in saying, "That's how I feel." But it also could be that there are environmental and cultural things that are contributing to this increase in anxiety and depression.

Ric Shields (12:13):

Things like an election, would that have anything to do with it?

Rebekah Taylor (12:16):

I mean, it could.

Ric Shields (12:18):

When you've got parents and friends and you know, churches and it's just what in the world is a kid supposed to listen to and how can they not be anxious when all this stuff is going on at the same time?

Rebekah Taylor (12:28):

Yeah. And we see family correlation, especially with anxiety. So, that if you are being raised by anxious parents, that also can increase the anxiety of children because they're picking up on that. So, if it's constantly being talked about like, "What are we going to do?" And there's all these things, the kids going to pick up on that because there doesn't seem to be that sense of safety. So, if we're always stressing and worrying about things, "Well then, oh, I should be worried about this as well."

(12:55):

 There's other parts about like our culture and social media, there's just competition in our culture and so that sets it up for like a perfectionistic tendency. I see a lot with anxiety of being "feeling less than," and so there's all kinds of things, you know, just the busyness of life, especially for our kids, that everything is very scheduled. They're in school, they are on sports teams, and so there's competition constantly. Then you know who has the latest things and especially when you get into the preteen, teen adolescents, social media definitely plays a part on what you're seeing.

Ric Shields (13:36):

Yeah, especially as they age and they're exposed to more social media and get to see what other people have or other people don't have, and that has got to just be horrible. And as a former youth pastor, I could see that happening with kids even without social media.

Rebekah Taylor (13:50):

Yeah.

Ric Shields (13:50):

Just that they're with their friends and, and there may be this income gap between some of the students and others, and it was terrible.

Rebekah Taylor (13:59):

I also see it with pressure just in school and our own expectations for kids. And I think sometimes we forget that they're not miniature adults, they're just tiny humans. And so, we put that pressure on. Education, what now is expected for a kindergartner we wouldn't have expected until first, second grade thirty years ago. And so, there's this expectation for kids to be more than what maybe they're developmentally able to do.

(14:30):

We've eliminated so much play and that is the job of childhood is play and free play and imagination. And instead we have structured that where you only get 15 minutes and then you're back in the classroom.

(14:45):

There's so much pressure on testing and if you don't pass this test right now. In spring semester, I see a huge increase in kids, especially third graders having to pass the Third Grade Reading Test and my heart breaks because no third grader should be terrified about a test.

Ric Shields (15:06):

Rebekah, is it easier or more difficult to provide therapy for kids? Because I can imagine it would be more difficult since they may not have developed the verbal ability to process and share their feelings or their emotions.

Rebekah Taylor (15:20):

I think there are challenges. I don't know that it's easier or harder, but there are challenges with both. So, with little kids, yeah, they don't have the verbal language or words to say things. With little kids, so five to eight, nine, it's a lot of playing games, books, activities in learning how to express emotion, learning how to cope with emotions. So, a lot of that we do, we get to play, and that's fun in my day. So that <laugh> we get to do the activity.

Ric Shields (15:56):

So, what does that look like? You say, "We get to play." I have no idea. I don't know what play therapy is.

Rebekah Taylor (16:01):

Yeah, so we may take stuffed animals and we're role playing, or I have a dollhouse and so we're in the dollhouse and we have all kinds of I have characters and you know, families or whatever. And so, we get to play with that. Or we're playing a game. So "Feelings Candy Land," so every color represents a different feeling. And so, if you land on red then you're going to say, "I feel mad when my brother takes my stuff." And so, we're, we're getting to play, but we're always talking about feelings

Ric Shields (16:30):

And you get paid for this.

Rebekah Taylor (16:32):

And I get paid for it. Yes.

Ric Shields (16:34):

<Laugh> Man, I may be in the wrong field here. <Laugh>. <laugh>.

Rebekah Taylor (16:38):

So yeah.

Ric Shields (16:38):

You have the opportunity to work with kids who are victims of abuse. I'm sure you do. What barriers do you have to overcome to provide effective therapy for them?

Rebekah Taylor (16:48):

So trauma, I am a trauma informed therapist. So, I am aware of trauma and that like I'm always screening for it, working with it. So, people who have gone through significant trauma, I would refer out to someone who is more specialized in trauma and has done more work with that. But I am always aware of and trying to identify ways that trauma may be contributing to kind of what the presenting symptoms are.

(17:18):

Trauma is something that, again, I feel like there is a calling and a passion for people who want to work with victims of abuse and who have gone through significant trauma. And so that is something that I don't have that passion for, but I have great admiration and respect for people who do. But I have had experience in working with traumas of grief and traumatic grief, those kinds of traumas as well.

Ric Shields (17:44):

I think one of the things you said when we initially looked at what are some of the topics we can cover, I think it was you who said, "Parenting is hard."

Rebekah Taylor (17:54):

Yes.

Ric Shields (17:54):

Are there some simple steps parents should take to help their kids to attain good mental health?

Rebekah Taylor (18:02):

I think one of the most important things that parents can do is two part. So, one to listen and not react. Because if you overreact to little things, your kids aren't going to tell you the big stuff because you've already overreacted.

(18:19):

And the other thing is to validate and not dismiss. And it is easy to be like, "Oh, don't worry about that. Oh, that's not a big deal. Wait till you're older or to be like, you know, that's not a big deal, we're going to get through it."

(18:34):

So, the most important thing though is to validate that that experience for your eight year old is, this is life changing. This was the worst day because their best friend said they didn't want to play with them. "That must have been really hard. Can you tell me how you felt?" And so, we also don't want to just go in and try and fix the issue, get them to work with you. "Okay, what do you want to do about that? How could we solve this together?"

(19:03):

And so the, it wants to be collaborative between what the problem is. You probably know how to fix it, but that doesn't help your child learn that skill. You need your child to start learning how to solve their problems on their own. That's how we prepare them to be fully functioning successful adults.

Ric Shields (19:24):

Let me mention, there may be those who could benefit from your help. I want to direct them to your website, which is rctulsa.org, Restoration Counseling, and you get some information there and also find out how you can connect with Rebekah.

Rebekah Taylor (19:42):

Absolutely.

Ric Shields (19:43):

I'm pretty sure you have some success stories. Any one in particular you'd like to share with us?

Rebekah Taylor (19:49):

You know, I was thinking about that of like, okay, what are some success stories that I could share? And you know, there's little successes that you know, people come in and they're like, I haven't had a panic attack this week. And I'm like, that's amazing. Or kids that, or students that come in and they did something hard for them and we want to celebrate those little successes.

(20:10):

But in particular, I can think of a teenager that came in, had a history of self-harm and suicidal behavior. And by the time she graduated from school and from therapy, had not had any suicidal thoughts, had not been cutting or self-harm in over a year. And that's a huge, huge success.

(20:33):

I had another student that was very socially anxious, just was really isolating. And by the time she graduated from therapy as well, she was doing really well in school program. She then was like involved in her church and was like hanging out with friends and was like wanting to leave the house all the time. That's a huge change as well. And so we celebrate the little ones, but we celebrate the big changes that happened as well and seeing that consistency.

Ric Shields (21:05):

As we draw our time to a close, I wonder, Rebekah, do you have any special words of encouragement you'd like to share with our listeners?

Rebekah Taylor (21:13):

Parenting is hard. It is hard to be a parent in 2025. So that's just blanket statement right there. Kids today are different than how you grew up as whatever age of parent you are. It's just different.

(21:30):

I think about my own childhood and then like what kids are going through now and I'm like, what I kind of dealt with in high school, I feel like kids are dealing with much more middle school age. And so, there's just this evolution and so taking your own experience but remembering like, but it's different now. And so, understanding how it's different and remembering that your child's experience is individualized to them. Your children are not the same. And so, parenting requires you to know your child, to notice when something seems off, something seems different and like maybe there's something going on that we need to get outside help with. And it's not a parenting fail to ask for help.

Ric Shields (22:21):

Parenting is hard in 2025. It's definitely not the same as when I was a kid and it was likely different than when you were a kid. Culture and society are changing so rapidly. Opportunities and challenges exist today that weren't there just 10 years ago.

(22:38):

Rebekah Taylor told us that there is a significant increase in anxiety and depression in children. There are panic attacks, self-harm, cutting suicidal behaviors. Folks, we've got to do better and I think we can. And I completely agree with what Rebekah said at the very end of our episode; "It isn't a parenting fail to ask for help."

(23:01):

Do you need help parenting your child? I think we can get some help from the scripture. In the New Testament book of James, chapter one, verse five, James wrote, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

(23:21):

The Greek word for wisdom is "sophia," and it means the varied knowledge of things human and divine, acquired by acuteness and experience. I believe that God will give us wisdom if we ask for it, but he also gives the spiritual gift of wisdom to others. So, seek a wise counselor, someone who is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and who has had the opportunity to study and approve themselves in that field.

(23:49):

Parenting is hard, but you don't have to do it alone. Pray, talk with others, get professional help and open your heart to listen and know your child better than anyone else.

(24:03):

I look forward to being with you next week. Meanwhile, grace and peace to you and to those you love.